A serious psychotic episode led to him being sectioned and subsequently spending three years in and out of hospital.
A high-flier in the world of political journalism, James was a staffer on well-known titles like Prospect, New Statesman, and The Independent as well as the BBC’s flagship current affairs TV programme Question Time. Not so long ago, he also co-authored the biography of former Labour Party leader, Ed Miliband.
A decade after the breakdown, James discusses it, and his eventual recovery, with his friend, Iain Dale, on LBC’s All Talk podcast. It is a fascinating insight into a very painful period – and one I wholeheartedly encourage you to listen to.
BROUGHT TO BOOK: before his breakdown, James Macintyre co-authored Ed Miliband’s biography.
In a very honest conversation, James and Iain try to piece together the dramatic events that led to James being hospitalised. What follows is the most honest conversation about mental health I’ve ever heard, and it’s given me a better understanding of how and why things can go so desperately wrong.
In his role as a political journalist, James became entangled with right-wing bloggers.
“It was a horrible period really, it got me down, and at that point, I was on anti-depressants, and also frankly, drinking too much alcohol at times and the combination was not a good one,” he says. “Things began to spiral, though there was a very specific moment where… the breakdown really happened. There is a division between how I was – a bit out of control beforehand – and then what happened, when there was a sort of serious psychotic breakdown.
“I had had depression and mild anxiety in the past but slightly thrived on pressure… but at this point, I just stopped functioning. I can remember walking out of the office for the first time in my life [it was a sunny day in central London] and I was just weeping in the street. Obviously, I realised then I needed help.”
HIT WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER: James couldn’t function when his breakdown claimed him.
It wasn’t long before James became suicidal, and that’s when he phoned Iain.
“I vividly remember your response which was ‘If you ever have thoughts like this again day or night call me’, and that was hugely helpful and I’m eternally grateful for that,” he recalls. “Despite your help, and [that of] others, I declined, and eventually I stopped eating, then stopped sleeping and basically started hallucinating, and it turned into full-blown psychosis and I went wandering around London trying to escape what I thought were SWAT teams.”
Thankfully, James has now recovered, with the help, support, and love of family members. And today, he now volunteers at the Iona Community, which is located on the remote Scottish island of the same name.
“How has your faith helped you through this? How can you believe in a God that’s enabled you to go through what you’ve had to go through?” are key questions Iain asks in the podcast.
SAFE HAVEN: Iona – the burial place of ancient Scottish kings – is where James Macintyre now resides.
The response is very enlightening.
“I think it’s true that at times I felt, and I don’t use the word lightly, that I was in hell… but my faith has helped me,” responds James. “I’m deeply grateful to have retained that faith and actually nowadays I look back and think God has always looked after me and been with me
“It could happen to anyone, I do want to stress there is hope and recovery. I do feel it’s right to speak out and I guess, witness to the fact that people can go through quite extreme breakdowns and psychosis, and come out of them; and it is great to be well.”
To listen to the full podcast, please click here:
Val Fraser is a freelance journalist and regular Sorted columnist.
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