Comment: Mental health tips for fathers

Digital Editor’s Note: I’m pleased to welcome psychotherapist, Noel McDermott as our Guest Writer. Noel offers his advice to dads looking to stay on top of their mental health and improve wellbeing.

Noel writes: Humans are amongst a very small number (about 5%) of mammals that have invested dads in childrearing activities and the only one from primates. This is because we have large brains, and our children are born too soon biologically and remain highly dependent for a very long time. From a species level the role of fatherhood has been pivotal in its survival, so no pressure there!

Nevertheless, although most British homes are dual income these days, structural inequalities mean that often the family does rely on the income of the dad (and in this case male dads). So, earning and providing remain important areas of stress for dads. Being the primary earner can be an enormous pressure. Coupled with not wanting to worry their partner and increased isolation from social networks, as the family dominates, can lead to dads feeling overwhelmed. Life can become pretty narrowly defined for dad either at work or home with little outlet for social contact beyond that. Also, traditionally men as fathers, often don’t have the emotional support networks that mums might have.

For example, a man may notice that a family and toddler group is often actually a mum and toddler group and if they turn up, they may be viewed with either suspicion or condescension. Often a male dad may become distressed when his partner expresses her frustrations at parenting. He may feel he can’t help or come up with solutions to these problems. Previous interests and activities can fall by the wayside, producing possible isolation and lack of regular exercise. 

Noel’s Tips for Dads

• Get involved with your kids and family no matter what. You will get health and wellbeing from that like nothing else.
• Join support groups for dads and if one doesn’t exist, consider setting one up.
• Get active, of the four pillars of lifestyle medicine regular active exercise is by far the most important.
• Talk, you are not burdening your partner when you tell them you are worried about money, you are helping them understand why you are grumpy. That way they don’t have to worry they are the source of the problem.
• Educate yourself psychologically, know the signs of distress, appetite issues, sleep issues, drinking, arguing and anger, isolation, concentration issues, being hopeless felling like a burden. Get help if you need it.

Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years’ experience within the health, social care, education, and criminal justice fields. More information here: https://www.mentalhealthworks.net/

Main Photo Credit: Juliane Leibermann via Unsplash