Author and journalist Kate Murphy describes herself as someone who “listens for a living”. In this thoroughly researched non-fiction tome she gathers up the experience and ideas of others who also “listen for a living”. She speaks to a range of priests, therapists, hairdressers, bartenders and researchers. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. True to her message, Murphy hardly speaks to them at all, what she actually does is “listen” to these folks. She gleans information, understands where they’re coming from and formulates their thinking into an overall case for the benefit of true listening.
The chapter which explains the neuroscience of listening is meaty yet uses clear, everyday language. I subscribe to that shocking school of thought which says it’s totally acceptable to underline the best bits of a book provided you’ve paid for it with your own money. I found myself underlining much of Murphy’s writing. Including her daring claim that “listening, more than other activity, plugs you into life.” More than any other activity? What? That’s a pretty big emphasis isn’t it? But Murphy knows her stuff, makes a compelling argument and delivers plenty of evidence to substantiate her bold claim.
It would sound so corny to say that this book changed my life, but I’m gonna say it anyway. This book changed my life, for the better and in so many ways. Murphy describes not listening as withholding “the gift that the people who love you, or could love you, most desire”. It’s what they “most” desire? Really? There’s she goes selling that big emphasis again. And I’m inclined to buy into it.
You’re Not Listening is a seminal work from Kate Murphy which has empowered and encouraged me to give the gift of listening to more and more of the people who love me.
Main photo credit: Saeed Karimi via Unsplash
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